Claude Giroux doesn’t consider himself to be a patriot. Hell, he’s not even an American. But when the US Government shut its doors on
October 1st, he knew he had to do something.
He gathered the Philadelphia Flyers’ core leadership team
and they decided, almost unanimously, to stage a protest. If it was good enough for Congress to shirk
its responsibility, it would certainly work for the team. Thus was born the Flyers Unified Careless
Kick, whereby the Flyers would feign ignorance as to how to do their jobs
efficiently. It was decided that the
team would not score goals, defend as a unit, or put even a minimal amount of
pressure on opposing players until the shutdown was resolved. (It’s worth noting here that the lone voice
of dissention in the protest was that of Steve Mason, who has performed his job
admirably.)
The Flyers Unified Careless Kick (Or F-- You can figure out
the abbreviation the team used. In order to be family-friendly I’ll use the term “FK” from here on.) worked,
almost to perfection, for two strong weeks while the team stumbled to a 1-6
record. After Peter Laviolette was
fired, the team staged a super sub-secret one-game counter protest to show its
displeasure with the move. This resulted
in a 2-1 win versus the Florida Panthers.
Confused by the one-game move, some players were unsure whether to give
a FK or not in the following contests.
Luckily for all involved, the US Government ended its
shutdown yesterday, bringing the most confusing, pointless, and unnoticed
protest since Occupy Wall Street to a close. The Flyers sit comfortably in last place, leaving their fans to wonder where they would be if they had just given a FK these past few weeks.
Let’s Go Flyers!
