Recently, I've been on a fresh fruit kick. I've been eating plenty of oranges, bananas and mango. Today, I got to thinking that if a banana and a mango got together and had a child how awesome it would taste. The only problem is what it should be named.
We could call it a banango, but that sounds more like something out of the kama sutra. In fact, I may just invent a position called the banango-bango. It may not catch on, but it certainly would be worth the effort.
Mangana sounds too much like a female body part. Manana sounds like something you would have to wait until tomorrow to eat. Banmango sounds like the newest member of the A-Team.
Why am I writing this, you may ask? Why, indeed.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
"I shouldn't even tell you this. If they find out I've been divulging secrets they'll kill me for sure."
"For game-day rituals?"
"If the other team's fans knew the secret formula, they could out-strategize our superstitions."
"You're serious?"
"I've got to go. I've said too much."
--
This morning as I put on my left argyle sock, ripped orange mighty-mouse boxers, lucky v-neck undershirt and was getting ready to don my Mike Richards #18 Flyers sweater I had a thought that maybe this was a bit ridiculous. Maybe the Flyers would win or lose on their own merit; not because of what I'm wearing or where I'm sitting while I watch the game.
Of course, the thought wasn't a spontaneous one -- it's also a part of the game-day routine. I'll never forget the morning I forgot to think about my ridiculousness. It was Feb 3, and the Flyers were playing the lowly Edmonton Oilers. They lost, and I have shouldered the blame for that game for the past 3 months.
After having my scheduled spontaneous thought I fill up my blue Caribbean Beach coffee cup, take David to school and make a right turn onto Umbria instead of the left. This adds about 10 minutes to my drive but it is worth it as the Flyers have a 20-3-2 record when I drive the long way. As I head up Umbria I feel sorry for the opposing team's fan whose superstitious routine will undoubtedly be unrewarded because of the very thought that I am having at that moment. (It's an insta-superstitial-killer, as I like to refer to it.)
With the playoffs coming up I can't reveal any more of my routine because I can't have some other fan outwit me.
The Flyers count on me and I don't want to disappoint.
"For game-day rituals?"
"If the other team's fans knew the secret formula, they could out-strategize our superstitions."
"You're serious?"
"I've got to go. I've said too much."
--
This morning as I put on my left argyle sock, ripped orange mighty-mouse boxers, lucky v-neck undershirt and was getting ready to don my Mike Richards #18 Flyers sweater I had a thought that maybe this was a bit ridiculous. Maybe the Flyers would win or lose on their own merit; not because of what I'm wearing or where I'm sitting while I watch the game.
Of course, the thought wasn't a spontaneous one -- it's also a part of the game-day routine. I'll never forget the morning I forgot to think about my ridiculousness. It was Feb 3, and the Flyers were playing the lowly Edmonton Oilers. They lost, and I have shouldered the blame for that game for the past 3 months.
After having my scheduled spontaneous thought I fill up my blue Caribbean Beach coffee cup, take David to school and make a right turn onto Umbria instead of the left. This adds about 10 minutes to my drive but it is worth it as the Flyers have a 20-3-2 record when I drive the long way. As I head up Umbria I feel sorry for the opposing team's fan whose superstitious routine will undoubtedly be unrewarded because of the very thought that I am having at that moment. (It's an insta-superstitial-killer, as I like to refer to it.)
With the playoffs coming up I can't reveal any more of my routine because I can't have some other fan outwit me.
The Flyers count on me and I don't want to disappoint.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Ankle Waving
Because I don't like posting personal bid-ness in public forums, I've decided to use this space to rant without rhyme or reason. (Well, if I'm feeling extra saucy there may be some rhymes. It's just a sign of the times. On my shopping list is a half-dozen limes. I'm thinking I should do more to prevent crimes. But I digress...)
There is a phenomenon amongst some pop cultures that I want to get in on. I once heard that in the owners manual of Corvettes it states that you should wave to other 'vette drivers. The boating commercial that runs on television depicts a family waving to every other boater. We've all seen the cool underhand wave that Harley owners give each other on the highway. (Isn't that awesome gesture worth the price of the cycle alone? I would buy one, keep it parked on the sidewalk, sit on it and wait for bikers to come down the street just so I can do that cool-ass underhand wave.)
I'm a big fan of these greetings to random strangers, though I find them to be a bit pretentious. As an owner of a Toyota Camry I pride myself on being ordinary. (Not just ordinary -- SUPER ordinary, which is kind of like being extra-average.) Such a show of a wave, nod, salute or even a wink to other Camry drivers would be flaunting our intelligent practicality.
What I propose is this: When you see another Camry on the road lift your left foot up about 3-4 inches and wag your ankle a little bit. This ankle-wave protects our sensibilities and outward appearance as extra normal yet we area also acknowledging like-minded people with an "inside" greeting that is most certainly not pretentious. I've been practicing my ankle-wave (or "AW") for weeks and have my technique down pat. Every time I see another Camry I perform my AW and imagine that the other person sent one back to me. Just think of the wonderful conversations you could have with your passengers. "Dude, that hot chick totally ankle-waved at me!"
Indeed.
There is a phenomenon amongst some pop cultures that I want to get in on. I once heard that in the owners manual of Corvettes it states that you should wave to other 'vette drivers. The boating commercial that runs on television depicts a family waving to every other boater. We've all seen the cool underhand wave that Harley owners give each other on the highway. (Isn't that awesome gesture worth the price of the cycle alone? I would buy one, keep it parked on the sidewalk, sit on it and wait for bikers to come down the street just so I can do that cool-ass underhand wave.)
I'm a big fan of these greetings to random strangers, though I find them to be a bit pretentious. As an owner of a Toyota Camry I pride myself on being ordinary. (Not just ordinary -- SUPER ordinary, which is kind of like being extra-average.) Such a show of a wave, nod, salute or even a wink to other Camry drivers would be flaunting our intelligent practicality.
What I propose is this: When you see another Camry on the road lift your left foot up about 3-4 inches and wag your ankle a little bit. This ankle-wave protects our sensibilities and outward appearance as extra normal yet we area also acknowledging like-minded people with an "inside" greeting that is most certainly not pretentious. I've been practicing my ankle-wave (or "AW") for weeks and have my technique down pat. Every time I see another Camry I perform my AW and imagine that the other person sent one back to me. Just think of the wonderful conversations you could have with your passengers. "Dude, that hot chick totally ankle-waved at me!"
Indeed.
Friday, March 19, 2010
Spaceman
"I pray to heaven to keep my place but I looked in the mirror, saw the Devil's face" - Spaceman, Dave Matthews Band
Isn't it funny that when you look back on your life you tend to focus on the negative things you've done? Yes I always look back and find good memories as well, but I always tend to hone in on the times where I neglected to do a simple task to help someone out or a stupid comment I made at an inopportune time. (Nah, that NEVER happens!) The truth is I consider myself to be a relatively good person, always striving to better myself and make life easier for those around me. (I even rewind DVDs before returning them to Blockbuster!) However too many times I come up short, and THOSE are the times that irk me and stay with me the most. Weird.
(No, of course you can't rewind dvds for those of you still looking at the 'blockbuster' sentence.)
Isn't it funny that when you look back on your life you tend to focus on the negative things you've done? Yes I always look back and find good memories as well, but I always tend to hone in on the times where I neglected to do a simple task to help someone out or a stupid comment I made at an inopportune time. (Nah, that NEVER happens!) The truth is I consider myself to be a relatively good person, always striving to better myself and make life easier for those around me. (I even rewind DVDs before returning them to Blockbuster!) However too many times I come up short, and THOSE are the times that irk me and stay with me the most. Weird.
(No, of course you can't rewind dvds for those of you still looking at the 'blockbuster' sentence.)
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Too many thoughts
Computer: So, you've decided that you're a pompous windbag who feels the need to write thoughts down on the internet for all to see?
Me: Yes. It's not exactly that easy but...
Computer: Well I suppose I should just sit here and let you bang on my damn keys all day long. You do it anyway.
Me: Quite right. Now STFU and let me pontificate about life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness, fish, chips and life insurance.
Hi folks, I've decided that 160 characters just doesn't cut it anymore so I'm going to bitch, moan and crack funny (and not-so-funny) jokes about my everyday thoughts in this blog. I can't promise not to be profane but I can certainly say that I won't be profound!
Me: Yes. It's not exactly that easy but...
Computer: Well I suppose I should just sit here and let you bang on my damn keys all day long. You do it anyway.
Me: Quite right. Now STFU and let me pontificate about life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness, fish, chips and life insurance.
Hi folks, I've decided that 160 characters just doesn't cut it anymore so I'm going to bitch, moan and crack funny (and not-so-funny) jokes about my everyday thoughts in this blog. I can't promise not to be profane but I can certainly say that I won't be profound!
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