Universal is releasing a movie version of the classic Hasboro game, 'Battleship.' After watching the trailer I can say that this will quite possibly be the worst film ever made, just barely edging out 'Pearl Harbor.'
Perhaps Hollywood has finished making tired films which cheapen our beloved superheroes and has decided that ruining our memories of childhood board games is the wave of the future. Here is a short list of what I would "like" to see, along with synopses:
1. Chutes and Ladders: In a mystical world where everything is connected by one path, follow the journey of a pair of lost lovers as they try to reunite following a tragic slide accident. (Starring Leo DiCaprio)
2. Candyland (Pixar): In a world where candy bites back, only Fred, a cute sugarless lollipop, can save the human race from an Armageddon of tooth decay.
3. Operation: Join a team of top surgeons in assisting Dr. Forceps (Clint Eastwood) to remove foreign objects from helpless victims. "Don't touch the sides, punk!"
4. Sorry! The Musical: Nathan Lane gives the performance of a lifetime as Robert Smith, an insurance broker hellbent on changing the way Pennsylvanians drive. (Co-starring Michael Clark Duncan as the head of the steelworkers union.)
5. Jenga: Jerry Bruckheimer's post apocalyptic thriller about the high-stakes game of construction upon the last remaining habitable acre on Earth. Can Ben Affleck (as Ben Affleck) save the entire human race by building a tower large enough to save the woman of his dreams, or will it all come crashing down upon him?
Yes, you just wasted your time reading all of that.
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